Presenting... THE ASSHOLE FILES!!
I've heard about enough from you smarmy, misinformed Mac owners. Yes, all 6 of you are beginning to get on my nerves. So you're too stupid to operate a mouse with more than one button... I really don't need to hear about it.
So you spent 2 or 3 times as much for an inferior product that isn't compatible with anything (hardware or software)... why do you feel the need to tell me about it? I don't want to know. If I felt I needed that kind of incompatibility hassle on a regular basis, there are freeware operating systems out there that fit the bill perfectly.
Let's face it... Mac's are the "Playskool" brand of the computer world. As long as they're not compatible with anything else, there's no way to break them (yup... not even the viruses are compatible). Most of us eventually graduate into the real world though. Soon enough, we want to actually plug shit into our computers. We want software and hardware that suits our individual needs. We want to customize our systems into machines that suit our lifestyles. With all the plug and play software and hardware out there, there are billions of possible combinations, maybe more. How is it then, that Mac owners seem to believe that they're somehow the "unique" ones? Could it be because Mac's come in those unthreatening but ugly Playskool colors and shapes?
For some time I've wished that a bunch of large PC and PC gear manufacturers (Dell, HP, IBM, etc etc) would chip in and launch a series of commercials to counter the insipid bullshit proffered by Mac. It hasn't happened, so here's mine:
Okay, I seem to have pissed off the smarmiest of the Macholes...
From: Wayne Peterson mailto:email@example.com
Sent: Monday, December 22, 2008 2:54 PM
Subject: M4040 Website Comment
I am a Mac user. I have five buttons on my mouse. I have no virus
protection on my system(s) because I don't need it. I\My computer is
better than yours handsdown. You are the uninformed asshole.
What can I say... your superior intellect astounds me. Five buttons? Holy shit... I can only say that I am “wowed”. I stand back in absolute awe of your obvious dominance in the computer world. What advice could an asshole like myself ever give to someone of your intelligence? Being that you are an advanced life form, I can only cower at my inferior computer and offer my sincerest holiday wishes...
Here's hoping you and your Apple Incompatible are well in this holiday season. May you remain secure in your hope that the hackers who write viruses continue to ignore the 2% of computer users who remain in Mac's little marketing sphere. Otherwise, you and every other Mac user would be in for a big surprise.
Here's to the smugness required to make claims like, "I\My computer is better than yours handsdown", even though you have absolutely ZERO knowledge of the systems I'm running. That takes a truly special kind of arrogance!
May you continue to fund the most expensive and expansive marketing campaign that the computer industry has ever seen. May you remain secure in the knowledge that you're somehow "better" than everyone else because you spent triple the price for an inferior computer.
May you continue to believe that you’re "better off" having a system that's not compatible with any of the high end gear or software on today's market. After all, the high price tag is well worth it when you consider all the retarded commercials you’re paying for, right?
Here’s hoping you remain convinced that you're "different". It really does take a “different” kind of person to fall prey to marketing hype, right? I’m sure all the abysmally stupid masses that spent gobs of money on brightly colored MP3 players and cell phones from Apple are just as smart as you, right?
PS - I'm wearing my favorite tee shirt right now... (in honor of Wayne, the computer god) !
I know this concept will be a tough one to grasp for Mac owners but here goes. The only reason you hear about so many Windows issues is because... there’s so many Windows USERS!
Apple actually has a LOT more flaws and system vulnerabilities than Windows XP and Vista combined…
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