Presenting... THE ASSHOLE FILES!!
Brinks Home Security - Fear Mongering Jerkoffs
Anyone seen the latest ad campaign by Brinks Home Security? I've now seen two of these inane commercials and they piss me off every time I see them. There's probably more than two, but I guarantee they're pretty much the same.
Here's the formula:
- Show good looking housewife, cute little kids, and a nice house in an idyllic suburban neighborhood setting.
- Enter the "bad guy" ... a mean looking, unshaven, stocky guy (in all commercials, this part has, of course, been carefully cast such that none of the "bad guys" are minorities).
- The "bad guy", knowing full well that there are people in the house, brazenly kicks in the door, smashes the window, or otherwise forces his way in.
- Weee-ooo, weee-ooo, weee-ooo!!! Oh no! A scary electronic sounding siren! Bad guy runs away in a panic.
- Phone rings and a reassuring voice asks the housewife if everything's okay. She reports that someone tried to break in, to which the Brinks operator responds that he's "sending help".
- The housewife now appears relieved, and the narrator proudly announces, "this family was saved by Brinks home security!".
where this portrayal falls apart. Any viewer with an IQ higher than your average
crayon immediately wonders what the fuck Brinks had to do with saving anyone.
Apparently this "hardened criminal" would have been scared off by your average
ring-tone, and the family is paying someone a monthly fee to dial 9-1-1 for them
because they're too fucking stupid to do it themselves.
In any case, the average police response time to a 9-1-1 call about a break-in is about 5-10 minutes (sometimes a lot more). ANY criminal worth his bones knows the average police response time in the area he works, and also knows that even 5 minutes is a LOT of time for him to do whatever he likes. In 5 minutes, he could have most of this family's valuables, and be driving away in the family minivan. More importantly, if he's brazen enough to kick in the door of an occupied home, he's probably got more than simple theft on his mind. In 5 minutes, this family could be quite DEAD.
Unless Brinks has a trained SWAT team geared up, loaded, and at full ready sitting in the back of a running van that is posted down the street from your home, they're offering you NOTHING.
Here's the sad fact... in the case of an actual home invasion, you cannot rely on Brinks Home Security, the police, the Marines, superman or anyone else to come swooping in and save you or your family. My advice is simple... buy a fucking shotgun, and learn how to use it.
Anyone who is not prepared to defend their home and family are "sheeple". They wander through their lives in ignorant bliss of the fact that they're just an ounce of fat away from a butcher's whim.
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